What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Why does Islam give a bad vibe?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

I took a video of my serve (60 FPS) and it took 0.4 seconds from my racket to the service line. How fast would you say my serve was?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Why have cell phones, the internet, and reality TV turned the world into a toilet, as this has not advanced us in any way?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

TEXT:

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Since the Brits can't steer their oil tanker, what makes them think they can take on Russia?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

What are some common lies that addicts may tell themselves?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Is it true that schizophrenia can sometimes be a demonic attack or black magic?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Make Nazis afraid again!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”